{"id":461,"date":"2005-04-22T16:26:00","date_gmt":"2005-04-22T16:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/2005\/04\/22\/generic-fan-complaint-form\/"},"modified":"2005-04-22T16:26:00","modified_gmt":"2005-04-22T16:26:00","slug":"generic-fan-complaint-form","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/2005\/04\/22\/generic-fan-complaint-form\/","title":{"rendered":"Generic “Fan Complaint Form”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Stolen from Slashdot<\/a>…<\/p>\n

Upset about the Lord of the Rings? Angry about Hitchhikers? Sassy about about Sahara or exercised by X-men? To save time in future, please fill out this form first:<\/p>\n

GFC\/97X – GENERIC FAN COMPLAINT<\/p>\n

I’ve just come back from seeing the long-awaited adaptation of the classic _____. It was terrible! It was full of glaring errors and unnecessary changes like
\n       o _____ has the wrong [accent \/ hair colour \/ facial expression]
\n       o _____ says _____, but in the original he actually says _____
\n       o I always imagined the city of ____ would look like _____ and not _____
\n       o the relationship between _____ and _____ just wasn’t right
\n       o leaving out all the [poems \/ songs \/ bestiality]<\/p>\n

I’m also mad that they omitted the vital character of
\n     o _____’s [brother \/ sister \/ father \/ mentor \/ sidekick\/ turtle]
\n     o the [barkeep \/ general \/ wizard] at the [inn \/ base \/ mystic Elven village of Elrohéremélossëhelin na Telperiën]
\n     o second trooper to the left<\/p>\n

and the entire backstory concerning
\n     o _____’s rivalry with _____
\n     o ____’s fear of [spiders \/ snakes\/ heights\/ death]
\n     o the childhood of ______
\n     o the entire lineage of ______, including births, deaths, marriages, divorces, illegitimacies, pets, and house renovations<\/p>\n

This is a betrayal of _____’s vision. Why, the author must
\n     o be spinning in their grave
\n     o laughing all the way to the bank<\/p>\n

Did the producers even bother to
\n     o read the book?
\n     o read the manga?
\n     o watch the original?
\n     o consult the fans?
\n     o kill a goat and read its entrails?<\/p>\n

I remember when I first encountered _____ at school. I
\n     o laughed non-stop for days
\n     o collapsed and wept
\n     o immediately bought the rest of the series
\n     o went through puberty<\/p>\n

And it looked so cheap too! You could totally tell it was filmed in
\n     o New Zealand
\n     o Sydney
\n     o Vancouver
\n     o Toronto
\n     o an Eastern European country with low wages and minimal labour laws<\/p>\n

_____ was completely wrong as the character of _____. They should have cast
\n     o Orlando Bloom
\n     o Arnold Schwarzenegger
\n     o Samuel L Jackson
\n     o Jessica Alba
\n     o Keanu Reeves
\n     o Brad Pitt
\n     o Kofi Annan<\/p>\n

Sure it might be alright if you’re
\n     o not a fan
\n     o didn’t read the special small press issue with a limited run of 12 that came out in the early 80s and is OMGWTFBBQ totally brilliant
\n     o an oxygen-breather
\n     o have a life<\/p>\n

but Hollywood totally failed to do justice to it! Why didn’t they
\n     o make a 17 hour version, so they could fit everything in
\n     o make a trilogy, so they could fit everything in
\n     o make a television series, so they could fit everything in
\n     o film absolutely all of it and release it on the DVD as extras, so they could fit everything in<\/p>\n

I’m sure thousands if not millions of fans would pay for that! In fact, we should
\n     o write a petition
\n     o start a campaign to raise money<\/p>\n

I’m so angry that I’m going to
\n     o post my opnion on a dozen forums, complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen
\n     o see the film another 10 times, complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen
\n     o queue up for the sequel, complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen
\n     o buy the DVDs when they come out, first release and special edition, complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen
\n     o announce loudly that I’m going to transfer my allegiance to a fandom that deserves me, like
\n           o Battlestar Galactica
\n           o The A-Team
\n           o Bubblestar Robot Whore Battalion Miyozuki<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Stolen from Slashdot…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[41,63,43,26,30,16,9],"class_list":["post-461","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-fandom","tag-galactica","tag-humor","tag-lotr","tag-movies","tag-star-trek","tag-star-wars"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1xCb9-7r","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/461","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=461"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/461\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gatocasa.com\/unimat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}