Life on MarsCon
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 18th of Colddark, 716 —
Well, it’s a good thing I decided not to feel guilty if I didn’t journal every day, because Wednesday and Thursday night melted my brain too much to write anything down, and Friday-Sunday was MarsCon, when I was just too busy with stuff. But I can try to catch up.
Really, I can’t remember anything of Wed. and Thurs. I think I put hard hours in at work both days, and thus accomplished little besides con packing on Thursday. I’m sure that when Roxy reads this, she’ll remind me “Oh, we did these cool things!” but they are gone at the moment. Con packing doesn’t take me long at all any more, I’ve had so much practice. I forgot one costume item that wasn’t really all that important, and everything else was packed pretty lightly, all considered.
The convention was amazing. Yes, I worked some of Saturday with Luna-C, but I was a lot less stressed about that than usual, in part because of the brain meds. My energy levels weren’t what I’d have liked them to be, which I will blame on recent stress. Still, I got to go to some great panels, enjoyed a fun Doctor Who tea with so many delicious sweets I almost made myself ill, and most importantly got to see friends from Hampton Roads I missed so badly.
Saw Keith from White Plectrum again for the first time in years, and he wants to work on some new filk material with me. Hell yes! I need to find a lame excuse to put White Plectrum in a Managlitch episode. Maybe he’d perform a MGCU filk if I wrote it. With all the musical folks I know, I’m going to need a special concert episode at this rate.
There’s a new Managlitch episode up, Episode Eighteen “Sunbottom”. This is our New Year’s episode, which is further evidence that time is different there. All this means is that I have to start working on Nineteen ASAP, since I have some fun ideas and want to ask some guest-stars to join in. There’s a David Bowie reference in the episode which is either way over-subtle or way over-obvious. We’ll see which it is. This time I made sure to give the episode a careful listen before posting: no more bad edits like Episode Sixteen “Witchnight”. I’ve learned that lesson.
And I need to go to bed, so that’s all for tonight.
Morphic Mixtape
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 12th of Colddark, 716 —
Another day of working my ass off at the bit mines. My team lead even noticed how wobbly I was by later afternoon, and it’s a damn good thing I haven’t had to make any truly critical decisions today after about 4pm or so. I’m really proud of my work there, and so far I’m still taking the hard work as a challenge to my abilities. I don’t think anyone there wants to take it to abusive overwork any more than I do.
Preparing for MarsCon. Tonight I’ve compiled “Morphic Event”, another new playlist of driving music for the trip. Selections include the kickass Macross Delta end theme, and of course some carefully-chosen David Bowie. You know, I traditionally wear something pretty and shiny on Saturday night at the con, but had almost planned to skip that this year because I wasn’t feeling especially flamboyant. Then Bowie passed away, and I thought “If he’d been my friend, he’d have wanted me to be my genderqueer, leg-flaunting self this weekend.” So, tomorrow I’ll be picking out something short and shiny that doesn’t show too badly the weight I’ve gained this year. Speaking of performances, I intend to spend some time tomorrow learning my lines for the Luna-C show. I’m good at learning them Friday night, but I’d much rather be enjoying the con.
That’s pretty much it for today: a hard day’s work, dinner and some quiet time, then some music-mixing creativity. After I post this, I’ve got some Managlitch tweaking to do. I’m late posting my New Year’s episode; part of my slow pace is general stress making me not want to spend energy on anything but being a slug, but part of it is my anxieties trying to keep me from the keyboard, keep me from setting aside the time to work on my ideas because it’s selfish or something. I especially want to unlearn that latter, but that is also slow work. Dammit.
The journaling helps. So, here’s the latest.
Turn and Face the Strange
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 11th of Colddark, 716
You know how many David Bowie albums I own? Nothing but the soundtrack to “Labyrinth”, which I’m sure doesn’t count. MP3 files? Just “Space Oddity”. Yet… damn, the man was a part of my life anyway. I never changed the station when he appeared on the radio. I can’t think of a track of his that I don’t like. And like so many people I know on social media, it’s hard to believe that he’s gone. He should just still be… here.
The first time I saw Bowie on TV, he was on Saturday Night Live in one of Klaus Nomi’s outlandish plastic outfits and his trademark genderqueer makeup. I remember being disturbed and unsettled, but I was 10… clearly, a spark was kindled somewhere in my head, and fanned into flames by the original MTV when it was wild and weird. Because after all: look at me now! Thank you, gentlebeing, for being one of my first teachers of the truth that weird could be cool.
But also today, in one of those life contrasts which reminds one that the universe doesn’t single-task, I got a lovely present: a gentleman who attended our live podcast recording at Intervention produced a kinetic typography short using our 45-second audio ad for the show. It’s amazing! And I feel like this is my first ever piece of “fan art” for a project of mine. I’m beyond tickled.
So, huge emotional contrasts today. Plus, I slept like crap last night and worked my butt off again today at my job, so I haven’t had much energy tonight. That’s okay. For both David and Glenn’s sake, I’ve going to keep creating as hard as I can.
Inside Out
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 10th of Colddark, 716
I had a roller-coaster ride of a weekend. My medication is a tranquilizer, but it does nothing for depression; and through most of Saturday I was eyeballs-deep in a pit of apathy and blackness. Needless to say, there’s not much to talk about on Saturday until suddenly in the late afternoon when it magically cleared. Seriously, one moment I could barely be bothered to speak, and the next I was fine. This has happened to me before, and I have no explanation for it.
Anyway, thanks to being fine, I got the first draft of Managlitch Episode Eighteen finished. With luck I’ll be able to get it recorded soon; the date for the season finale is approaching quickly. I didn’t sleep super well last night, but today included some exercise with Maya, grocery shopping, an errand at her Mom’s, a conference call about the con I’m working this spring, and a viewing of “The Martian” (good, but the book was better).
Now if these stomach issues would clear up… I’ve been in mild pain all evening, which has been temporarily relieved by gas release but keeps coming back. Ive taken some antacids in the hope that will help somehow. Can’t be kept up tonight: I’ve got work in the morning.
I May or May Not Have the Power!
All sorts of fun today! At work, the phones went out in the morning and didn’t come back until the afternoon. (Not our fault, there was a problem with a circuit affecting several businesses.) Then at 11:30, the power went out in our building and buildings nearby; Duke Energy was having a rough day. That got fixed by 1pm. Was kinda hoping for the afternoon off.
Despite all those shenanigans, we cleared a lot of tickets because the three of us here in Tier 2.5 know what we are up to and work well as a team. Both the team lead and the IT head dropped by to express appreciation of our work; I eat that up. Tell me on a regular basis you’re really happy with the job I’m doing, and you’ll get even harder work from me.
When I got home, Roxy had to leave immediately to cover some errands with our friend Vikorgi, and I had an hour to shoot stuff on-screen, which I enjoyed immensely. Cleared some old quests, and tried to grind another level for a difficult task, but the XP in that zone wasn’t enough to really help. No matter, I love watching under-leveled bad guys drop like flies. Then The two of them returned and Roxy put together an amazing peanut chicken dinner. I practically gobbled it down.
Vikorgi wanted to watch “Minions”, and I have to say I don’t think it held up against the Despicable Me movies that preceded it, but whatever. I headed back to the bedroom for some writing, and out of nowhere my jerkbrain started screaming at me about everything in the world I felt at all insecure about, which flattened me. I forced myself to brain-medicate, which helped, but that’s a tranquilizer. After a long, busy day, the meds knocked me right out.
Here’s hoping the weekend is more productive on my personal projects.
Gyro Hit
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 6th of Colddark, 716
I’m barely keeping my eyes open before bed tonight. Another long hard-working day at the bit mines has caught up with me. Roxy and I also headed out after work to meet a friend for some (delicious) Greek dinner and an exchange of items that had to go to various cons. The food and the company were both top-notch; nothing to complain about there except maybe the hour’s drive to meet them halfway.
Emotionally, all over the place tonight. One moment I’m feeling empowered by my personal projects, the next fatalistic. I’ve been feeling a lot that for every moment of fun I get to have lately, I’ve been spending hours of responsibility and anxiety; and the imbalance is affecting my outlook a bit. Roxy agrees that we need to make some changes; of course, as I mentioned, I’ll be talking to a doctor about my chemical balance ASAP.
But Roxy thinks we could also use a vacation, a real one where we don’t even watch the budget carefully. I’m all in favor of course, but it will be quite some time before we can afford anything like that, so it’s being filed under “pipe dream” for the time being.
Hope the morning’s warmer tomorrow. Nearly froze my face off in 22-degree weather this morning, and managed to lose my gloves today to boot. I honestly miss the 75-degree weather we were having around Christmas.
Corduroy Trout
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 5th of Colddark, 716
Void, it’s cold outside. All that joking I did about those 75-degree temperatures around Christmas? It was with love! You can come back! Please?
Worked myself crazy today, and I wasn’t the only one. It was an all-day battle to keep the ticket queue acceptable, forget good: and the day finished off nicely with an on-site visit that turned out to be simply a loose cable. Yeah, I asked them to check it over the phone beforehand. Couldn’t have just come loose, either. People are playing with stuff.
Made really good mashed potatoes tonight to go with the slow-cooker turkey Roxy made. Dinner was tasty and filling, at least for a moment. I’ve been eating like a starving man all day; I can only assume my body needs it. Maybe that’s why I felt weak all weekend… but I haven’t exactly been fasting. Still don’t know what’s going on.
Watched some Akibaranger with a friend – I never get tired of that show – and last night’s Steven Universe (we’re getting them on one- or two-night delay because of the way they’re posted to iTunes). Steven Universe continues to be beautiful; the story of Ruby and Sapphire’s relationship made Roxy and me both squee. Homeworld Gems are like Time Lords. They sound really cool at first; but the more you learn about them, the more you realize you really wouldn’t want to spend much time with most of them.
Realized what was holding me back on Episode Eighteen: I know some things I want to say but I really hadn’t decided what it’s going to be about. Gave that some thought today, maybe more in the shower tomorrow. I won’t have writing time tomorrow, but there’s always Thursday. Dang, I’m behind and unhappy about it. I did learn from my head that a popular game fish seen on the tables of Managlitch is called “corduroy trout”. I can only assume that’s descriptive, not literal – without glitching, anyway.
Dinner tomorrow with Roxy and a friend. Looking forward to it; I hope work doesn’t hit too hard.
Blood Sugar Betrayal
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 4th of Colddark, 716 —–
Today started reasonably well, other than me mistaking which side of the windshield was frozen over. I had to stop a bit down the street to scrape off what I thought had collected on the inside.
First day of work for the New Year. I worked hard, but I wasn’t drained by it; in many ways those are my favorite weekdays. I have quite a work ethic considering how lazy I am. A lot of the work is learning how to work with our new Help Desk; these people are so skilled even for Tier One that we’ll be able to off-load a lot of our tickets to them and become Ticket Managers and Expert Troubleshooters. I am completely in favor of this.
Plans changed abruptly for the evening, and that may be just as well. I had an earlier dinner than I expected and crashed bad at 6:30. Didn’t recover until after 7:30, which would have interfered with with the social activities I was expecting. Roxy very much wants me to talk to my doctor about how tired I’ve been lately. She’s worried it’s thyroid.
Before I go to bed tonight, at least a few hundred words on Episode Eighteen. I’m frustrated by how slow the words have been coming lately, and my evening of relaxation last night to refresh the well didn’t go as planned. But: never give up, never surrender.
The Space of Hyper
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 3rd of Colddark, 716
Once again, I woke up a bundle of nerves. When Roxy suggested, “Time to get out of bed?” my knee-jerk response was “What’s in it for me?”
Some lunch helped a bit of course, as it always does, and a couple hours of the afternoon wasted away before we realized it was time to run errands. I have to fill my gas tank far less often now thanks to my five-minute commute, but it eventually gets low, and Costco had a great price today. A small grocery stop later, and it was time for dinner. McCormick sloppy joes, which weren’t bad.
But today was going to be an afternoon of relaxing, so I loaded up a alpha test video game I’d been invited into… and they were shut down for the holidays. Okay, fine, I loaded up my second favorite tension-killer game… only to discover I’d found a sudden ramp-up in the campaign difficulty, dying again and again. I finally said to hell with it. Never mind tension relief.
I’m a bundle of nerves these days. If it weren’t for my brain meds, I’d be non-functional; as it is, I’m slowly losing joy in many of the things that made life happier. Usually it’s because they all require massive outlay of resources on my part that I just don’t have at the moment. I don’t have a solution right now, though clearly I’ll have to find one. One trip to a mental hospital was more than enough for me, thanks.
Work tomorrow. I’m almost thankful.
Costumes and Music Past
Lord Bitweaver’s Journal, 2st of Colddark, 716
Today I spent half the day in bed feeling cold and drained. Once I finally got moving, I then spent too much of the evening grocery shopping. It needed to be done, but I’m a “surgical-strike” kind of shopper while Roxy is more a methodical “go carefully through every aisle in case anything’s forgotten” type. There’s something to be said for both, but when I’m already on a short fuse, the second version can get on my nerves.
Before the shopping, we had a very decent meal at Applebees thanks to a Christmas gift card from our friends Mako and Missy. I tipped well even though the service wasn’t great because it wasn’t utterly awful and wait staff are paid shit. I an not comfortable with someone having trouble meeting their bills this month just because they accidentally refilled me with Diet Pepsi the one time. (Blech.)
Starting to plan for MarsCon, where I’ll be performing with Luna-C. I hope we get a show script soon, because I’d like to practice a lot more ahead of time than I’ve done in the past. I’m also worried because of all the weight I’ve put on – so few of my costumes fit right now. (My old Next Gen Engineering tunic looked terrible when I tried it on New Year’s Eve – luckily my First Contact uniform looked a lot better.)
I really can’t wait to see Keith Brinegar again. His filk performance as White Plectrum was a huge part of my life for a while: lyric writing, soundboard, webmastering, graphic design – being White Plectrum’s “Spin Doctor” kept me busy and happy! It’s been years and years, and I can’t wait to introduce Roxy to him.
So much to do this month. I hope I can find the energy and motivation to kick jerkbrain’s ass and Get Stuff Done.
