I'm happy to see that my urge to create is growing strong again. While my anxieties are still getting in the way – I start panicking a bit every time I sit in front of the keyboard – I've discovered that music is an excellent self-medication for the problem. Doesn't seem to matter too much what the music is, though the panic will try to trick me into getting playlists "just right" as a way of stalling.
Another technique that's working quite well is to get working on one of my little comedy video productions. The great thing about those is that I can start putting the wheels in motion before the anxiety can kick in, and when the day comes to do the shoot, I've got too much invested, too many people involved, to back down or procrastinate. If only I could afford to do those as often as I want! But they aren't paying for themselves yet, so I need to stick with a day job – and since my last contract ended last year, I need a new one before I can indulge myself that way.
Damn, but working on those shoots makes me feel alive. The more I make, the more I want to do. Not just the slapstick comedy, either; I'm developing a powerful urge to make the Doctor Who fan film I've always wanted, or even an original project. I've had a couple scripts lying around for twenty years, ones that I've just realized would be within my reach… though they'd require some rewriting. They reek a bit of teenage sci-fi fan at the moment.
Must get job. Must make money. 43 isn't too late to start chasing my dreams, but it does mean there's no more time to waste.