Since I accepted the job in North Carolina and moved to Raleigh, I’ve often felt as though my life was a roller coaster careening in unknown directions. I simply hung on for dear life, not sure where I was going but having faith the ride was better than it had previously been. Even with that faith, there’s so much of my day-to-day existence on which I wish I had a better grip.
A sample: I still have too much stuff. I understand the philosophers who insist that your possessions possess you, I am confronted with this fact every day. I left much of it behind when I left the home I grew up in. I left more of it behind with every move I’ve made since, and still I have enough to dominate the second bedroom and influence much of the rest of the apartment. I can’t stand being weighed down by it all; but when I attempt to purge, memories overwhelm me and I end up jettisoning far less than I meant to.
We’ll be in this apartment for a few more months at least. I must get rid of more of these things before we leave – and preferably long before, so that I can enjoy this space more than I have been doing. The roller coaster’s exciting; but damn it, I want to feel as though I’ve got more control than this.